


Bob the Missionary

by PetrichorPerfume



Series: Shenanigans [52]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Bob the Missionary, Fainting Bobs, M/M, Michael breaks a Bob, Michael is a Luciferian, Michael is having a party in the USA, Missionaries, Poor Bob
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-08
Updated: 2014-08-08
Packaged: 2018-02-12 06:51:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2099727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PetrichorPerfume/pseuds/PetrichorPerfume
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Bob the Missionary meets the Viceroy of Heaven. He's not exactly impressed. Continuation of Missionary.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bob the Missionary

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so some vocabulary: 
> 
> Luciferians: They are not Satanists. Luciferianism is a theistic religion with cool principles like enlightenment and presumably world peace. 
> 
> Satanists: There are two types of Satanists. You have your LeVey Satanists that don't believe in God or Satan or any higher powers, then you have theistic/spiritual Satanists, who are harmless, unlike the movies would lead you to believe. Then you have a people who call themselves Satanists and who talk about blood sacrifice and basically read the book, but completely missed the point. 
> 
> I'm glad you read that, because it's completely unnecessary to your understanding of the story.

Bob is a man of God. He’s been a missionary for thirty-six years, and he’s converted literally dozens of people to Christianity.

 

Then he sees something that shakes his faith to the very core.

 

_So I put my hands up; they’re playing my song. The butterflies fly away! I’m nodding my head like: yeah! I’m moving my hips like: yeah!_

 

There’s a man in a purple Speedo dancing to Party in the USA, except it’s not a man. It’s _Michael,_ Michael the Saint, Michael the Archangel, Michael the Viceroy of Heaven. Michael, the second Holiest creature in Creation.

 

_Put my hands up; they’re playing my song. You know I’m gonna be okay. Yeaaaaaah! It’s a party in the USA!_

 

He’s not sure how he knows it’s Michael, he just _does._ He can see the halo wobbling on his head and he can see this wings – some of them, at least – stretching from one end of the street to the next, and he just _knows_ that it’s not just any angel. It’s Michael, in the flesh, well, in a pair of bright purple underwear, and he’s _right there,_ and then he turns to him.

 

Bob makes the sign of the Cross, falls to his knees, and starts to pray. _Blessed Michael, Archangel, defend us in the hour of conflict, be our sa-_

 

“Don’t bother,” Michael calls out to him. He pulls his companion – the one who had jokingly identified himself as Lucifer the last time they’d met, except it _hadn’t been a joke, had it?_ – into a passionate kiss. He grins at Bob once he finally pulls away. “I’m a Luciferian now.”

 

The Devil grins, all sharp angles and harsh lines. “Thank you for remembering, dear.”

 

“Anything for you, love,” Michael says with a too-wide smile.

 

Bob’s world tilts and slowly fades to black. The last thing he hears before the darkness claims him is Lucifer’s honey-sweet voice saying, “I think you broke him.” 


End file.
